Connecting with the parts of self

We are not one singular self moving through the world—we are made up of many parts. Inner voices, old roles, forgotten dreams, protective patterns, and vulnerable places. These parts are not mistakes or problems; they are fragments of us that formed in response to our experiences, each with its own story, intention, and need.

In therapy, and in life, we often come with a dominant part—the one who knows how to survive, succeed, please, protect, or control. But beneath that part, there are others waiting to be acknowledged. The quiet inner child, the angry protector, the exhausted one, the creative dreamer, the part that wants to hide, and the one that longs to be seen.

We disconnect from these parts for many reasons—shame, survival, or simply because we were never taught how to welcome all of ourselves. Some parts have been exiled for years, carrying pain that felt too much to hold. Others have been forced to step forward, over-functioning to keep us safe or appearing “together.”

But wholeness doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from integration.

Connecting with the parts of self is not about fixing or changing them. It is about relating to them. Hearing their voice. Understanding their role. Feeling their presence in the body. When we begin to relate, rather than react, we create internal space—where each part is met with curiosity rather than judgment.

In therapy, I often invite people to turn inward and notice who’s present. “What part of you is speaking right now?” “What age does this part feel?” “What does it need from you?” These gentle questions can open a dialogue within—a conversation with the self, rather than about the self.

And something shifts. When a part is truly heard, it no longer has to shout. When it is held with compassion, it doesn’t have to fight for control. Over time, a deeper self—the one who can hold it all—emerges. A self that is not a part, but a presence. A wise, centered awareness that can sit with all parts and say, “I’m here. I see you.”

This is the work of integration. Not to silence or banish any part, but to weave them back into the fabric of our being.

To be whole is to be in relationship with all of who we are.