Core wounds
We all carry core wounds—deep beliefs that shape how we see ourselves and others. These are often silent, invisible narratives formed in childhood, internalised from how we were treated, what was said, and just as often, what was not said or seen.
One of the most common and painful core wounds is:
“I’m Bad”
Do you ever feel like you’re tricking everyone into believing you’re a good person—but inside, you carry a quiet fear that something is fundamentally wrong with you.
You may do all the “right” or “good” things, but inside, there’s a sense that something is missing. It feels like everything you do is to prove you’re okay—acceptable, worthy of love.
This can feel exhausting.
You might find yourself repressing your needs and emotions, fearing that expressing them would reveal a self you don’t trust—one you believe is too messy, too needy, too bad.
This wound often forms from a combination of internal sensitivity and external invalidation. You may have experienced parents or siblings who responded with shock, disapproval, or even anger when you expressed yourself. Perhaps you were punished physically, or made to feel that your emotions were unacceptable. You may have internalised the message: I must be hit, silenced, or rejected because I am not okay as I am.
Even emotions like joy, anger, or sadness can feel “bad” if they were not welcomed in your family. These messages don’t need to be explicit—a parent’s silence or discomfort around emotions can be just as powerful. A look, a sigh, a sudden withdrawal of affection—these all communicate something about what is acceptable, and what is not.
If one or both parents acted in terrifying, chaotic, or harmful ways—whether through substance use, violence, or emotional instability—the child often takes responsibility. I must be the reason they act this way. I must be bad. You learn to fold your true self up to stay safe, to predict others’ behaviors instead of discovering your own.
This often leads to a “saviour” or “carer” identity—one who anticipates others’ needs, who sacrifices themselves for peace. But deep within, the folded-up self still lives—hurting, raging, terrified. That part may feel like it’s screaming “bad things,” not because it is bad, but because it has been unheard for too long.
The Way Forward:
Integrate the ‘badness’. Welcome the thoughts and feelings you’ve labeled as bad. Let them speak.
Get curious. How old does this part feel? What does it need?
Use writing, movement, voice—whatever allows you to relate to this part instead of becoming overwhelmed by it.
Meet your needs. Explore what your true self wants and needs. Get to know your relationship with anger—can it be expressed in a way that feels safe.
Remember: This part is not all of you. You are not your wound—you are the one witnessing it.
Other Common Core Wounds:
“I’m Worthless”
Often develops when we are celebrated for not having needs—when we become the carer or emotional protector of a parent. Worth is tied to self-sacrifice, and the authentic self becomes invisible.
“I’m Not Enough As I Am”
This wound says: “If only I could do more, be more, achieve more—then I’d be lovable.” It creates a lifetime of striving, without a sense of ever arriving.
“I’m Unlovable”
A deep belief that love is conditional, earned, or simply not available to someone like you. This often stems from early emotional neglect, abandonment, or chronic inconsistency.
“I’m Stupid”
This can come from being criticized, shamed, or compared—especially in school or family settings. It may also form when emotional sensitivity was mistaken for weakness.
Healing these wounds begins with awareness—and deep, ongoing compassion. These parts of you are not broken. They were shaped by pain, but they are also doorways to truth, to reclaiming your worth, your voice, and your wholeness.
