Being seen and self-esteem
At the core of self-esteem is a longing to be seen—not just for what we do, but for who we are. To be seen without judgment, without performance, without needing to shrink or expand ourselves to fit into someone else’s idea of enough.
Being seen is a vulnerable experience. It touches the tender places within us that ask: Am I lovable as I am? Do I matter? Will I be rejected if I stop pretending?
So many of us have learned to seek worth through the eyes of others—adapting, pleasing, excelling. We learn to measure our value by external markers: achievement, approval, appearance, productivity. Over time, our sense of self becomes shaped around what is reflected back to us rather than what is rooted within us.
But being seen through a genuine, compassionate lens is different. It doesn’t require performance—it invites presence. It says: You don’t need to prove anything. You are already enough.
In therapy, I often witness the quiet transformation that happens when someone feels truly seen, maybe for the first time. When their pain is witnessed without trying to fix it. When their joy is celebrated without envy. When their truth is held without interruption.
This is where authentic self-esteem begins—not as an inflated self-image, but as a grounded knowing: I am worthy of love and belonging, not because of what I do, but because of who I am.
But this self-esteem must be built slowly, relationally. It grows when we learn to see ourselves through kinder eyes—our own. When we stop abandoning ourselves in moments of shame. When we recognize the parts we’ve hidden and begin to say, You, too, are welcome here.
To be seen is not always comfortable. It can feel exposing, unfamiliar, even threatening if we’ve spent years protecting ourselves through invisibility. But it is also liberating.
Because once we are seen—and choose to see ourselves—we no longer need to chase worth. We begin to embody it.
Self-esteem isn’t about becoming someone else.
It’s about finally seeing who you’ve always been.
